Three dates with a Trump supporter

However, it recently came to my attention that this man is a Trump supporter. As a Democrat, and to be honest, more importantly as a citizen of the world, I can’t understand, with all we know now, how you can still support this man. I won’t get into all of my views, but I’m truly curious if a dating relationship could work if your underlying political beliefs are so diabolically opposed.

Can you actually have healthy conversations around that, can you respect the other person’s opinions even if they are not reflected in your own, and can you have a fulfilling relationship with someone? Is all fair in love and politics?

HILLARY’S FAN CLUB PRESIDENT

A.Can you actually have healthy conversations around that, can you respect the other person’s opinions even if they are not reflected in your own, and can you have a fulfilling relationship with someone?

Sure?

In theory.

But … four and eight years ago, I read a lot of letters from people in long marriages who were trying to make it work, even though they’d lost respect for their partners. Even though they felt unseen by their partners.

Those letters were usually from people who had a decade or more of love and good memories to lean on. Still, they were struggling.

In your case, it’s so new — and we’re heading into an election. Do you want to have these conversations … frequently? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants a certain kind of world? One you don’t like?

My advice is to ask him what you asked me: “How can you still support this man?” If you’re satisfied with his answer, great. If he asks you why you don’t support Trump and really wants to listen and hear you out, wonderful.

If you don’t like the answer, move on.

I suspect you won’t like it!

Honestly, this whole letter is more about dating fatigue than anything else. You’re not feeling chemistry with most people. Maybe that means you need to give people a Date 4 instead of just three.

I’d rather have a slow burn with someone than great energy but no shared values.

You don’t have to lower your bar for company just because dating is difficult. Making do with what you’ve found isn’t a great way to add something wonderful to your life.

MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

Gone are the days when being a Democrat or Republican was merely a case of different economic and social policies. This current era is one in which the differences are more fundamental. If you can handle the fact that this potential boyfriend supports beliefs that you find offensive, that’s a lot to take on. Plus, how does he feel about YOUR political stance? The early days of dating are supposed to be almost perfect, but you’re only three dates in and you’re questioning something really elemental. Cut your losses and run.

HIKERGALNH128

Someone has a different view on religion, will you demean them? Someone has a different view than you regarding a war, will you write a biased letter to publicly shame them? I’d warn any man, Trump supporter or not, to stay far far away from you.

LUPELOVE

Many people have been able to have successful relationships with political differences. Values are a better test than politics — and only you can decide if racism, misogyny, antisemitism, conspiracy theories, anti-science, or any other particular beliefs he might have are a deal breaker for you. I’m sure there must be some Trump supporters who don’t espouse these qualities.

WIZEN

This is less about values than it is about agreements and boundaries. If you two can agree on how to talk about politics, and when to stop, then of course it can work.

TERMINATER5

Having chemistry and having conversation all well and good, but you can’t turn a blind eye to what their support builds and the effects that has on you and other people.

BKLYNMOM

Have your own question about love and politics or any other relationship issues? Email loveletters@globe.com or fill out this anonymous form. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.



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