Opinion | Trump accepts election results, outraging his base

Somewhere, Rudy Giuliani is sobbing, sinking deeper and deeper into a puddle of tears and hair dye. A shadow crosses the face of Sidney Powell. A primary election happened, and Donald Trump just accepted it. As though tallying who got more votes in an election could possibly be used to determine who had won it. As though he were going to just participate in democracy now, as though nothing had happened.

Yes, Donald Trump got the results of an election and accepted them without a murmur. Indeed, he boasted about them. His supporters thronged X to tell the person with fewer votes that she had lost. As though winning fewer votes in an election were anything but an incentive to keep calling that election into question for years to come and making life hell for the election workers. As though you could tell whom people really wanted based on whom they cast their votes for. As though votes meant anything!

Supporters tried to puzzle out what had changed. What made this election different from the presidential election? Was it that it was in New Hampshire? No, that can’t be. New Hampshire went for Joe Biden in 2020. Trump won, yes, but that couldn’t be it, could it? It couldn’t be that he just was saying all those things before because he didn’t win, could it?

“Maybe this is going to start a wonderful trend of Donald Trump accepting election results,” one nonpartisan expert suggested timidly. “You start small, accepting a caucus result — barely enough votes to fill a stadium — and then you accept a New Hampshire primary, and, bang, before you know it, you’re accepting the results of all kinds of elections. The real trick, as I see it, will be getting him to accept the results of an election that he doesn’t win, so we can let the election workers come out of hiding and go about their lives normally without fear.

“It will be so wonderful to have him acting like a normal candidate rather than a would-be authoritarian who won’t take no for an answer! I hope this means he’s willing to just take part in the democratic process,” the expert went on, but at the word “democratic” everyone hissed angrily, and he had to leave the state.

Certain Trump supporters expressed deep despair as they watched their candidate’s bizarrely uncritical reaction to the vote. “If I wanted to live in a democracy,” grumbled one as he repeatedly failed to strike a match on his khakis to light a torch, “I wouldn’t be so adamantly pro-Trump.”

“I’m in this because I hate my local election officials,” someone else observed, stomping on a discarded Trump sign. “I want them to be afraid all of the time, not just if Donald Trump loses.”

“We don’t want to run the risk of living in a country where a majority of people can tell us what to do,” another supporter confirmed. “We should not be celebrating this. This just makes them think we agree with the premise. What’s next, accepting the peaceful transfer of power?”


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